Ready to move on..

and finally we can!

This has been a rough road for us. Several months ago when we first decided that it was time to pursue adoption, our first goal was to buy our first home. We were down sizing to save money, I know, and adding two kids, sounds crazy. LOL We have always rented and it was time to buy. We found an awesome house in our area, 5 bedrooms, plenty of room for our 2 waiting on us ;) We made an offer and the journey began. Days before closing we were informed that our mortgage lady messed up our credit by a string of events. Needless to say, we had to move out of the house were were renting (new tenants were moving in) and moved into a house that our church owns, while the credit bureau worked to straighten it all out. Obviously we changed mortgage companies and started again. Now, 3 months later we have closed on our house and are moving in after the 1st of the year. Yay!! So, step one is over!!! So glad we can move on.

Now we can focus on saving and raising money to get the adoption going. Keep us in your prayers!

Dream

The other day after a very hard day, a very discouraging day, I came home and went to bed. I was weary and tired. I drifted off to sleep and had one of the most vivid dreams that I have ever had. I don't know that it was from God, but I kinda feel like it was. Just encouragement if nothing else. A reminder that something good is coming. Here was my dream.

I was at work, JCPenney, and we were all dressed in our Christmas shirts and up at the jewelry counter. The manager, my boss, called us up there for a Christmas party. It was all of us employees and a bunch of kids, a bunch of African kids to be exact. They were all playing and laughing, except one, she was sitting on the jewelry counter, all by herself. She looked sad and alone, and almost like she was different than the other kids, maybe like she had an illness. And before it started he said he wanted to make an announcement. He said that he knew that we all had heard of the Angel tree but he wanted us to do something different, he wanted us to pick out an angel to adopt but this time we don't just buy them gifts, we actually adopt them. Immediately I was thrilled. Everyone started scurrying around trying to pick out the friendliest and cutest kid, I was drawn to the little girl on the counter. I went straight to her. She wouldn't even look at me in the face. She looked so pitiful. My heart hurt for her. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn't let me. She was very resistant. Even crying when I tried to hold her. But by the end of the night, she was sitting on my lap, asleep against my chest.

And that was when I woke up. I don't know if God was giving me a vision of our little girl, or if that dream was just a little encouragement about our adoption and the wait. But, I wouldn't be surprised if its not the last time I see that little face.

Can't wait!

I'm sitting at the Gardendale parade, watching my 3 kids laugh and scream for candy. People are talking, horns are honking, the bands are playing....and all I can think about are my babies in Africa. I can't wait. My eyes filled with tears with anticipation of having them there, with me, with their family.

I know to some this seems crazy. Maybe even weird. But it is so real in me. The longing I have for them is deep with in. And even though I do not yet know who my babies are, I love them. I long to hold them. We are still at least 18 months away from bringing them home.... and I can't wait. Love Real Big!!

My heart is in Africa..

Today my heart is in Africa. As I listen to my kids play outside in the yard I can't help but long for our 2 kids from Africa to join them. I can't wait to wrap my arms around them and love on them. I can't wait to give them a hot meal and nice warm house to live in. Honestly, I can't wait to see which kids God has designed to be in our Forever Family.

There are just some days that it's all I think about. I just wish it was easier. Wish the funds were sitting in our account and we could bring them home faster. But, until God brings us all together, we will just wait. And continue to pray for our kids!

Thank you God for this longing that you have put in our heart!! We trust you will all of the provision and plans.

Joy in my kids..

(Picture of: My kids, and Gabby and my mom!)

So, last night was Halloween and I'm still beaming from the joy that my kids brought me.

Now, before you get all crazy on me, listen to what I am saying. We are not real crazy about Halloween, we don't do witches, devils and evil. BUT, we do let the kids participate and have fun.

Last night was the first night that we let the kids really trick or treat. We are always at church Fall Festivals, and then normally just go to a few Aunt's and close friends houses. This year after we hit the Aunt's houses we decided to let the kids go thru the neighborhood while we followed. You would have thought that we took them to Disney World. They were thrilled to death!!

If they thanked us once they thanked us a thousand times. I enjoyed watching the kids just be kids. The pure excitement and joy just melted my heart.

I remember those times as a child. Just being kids. Laughing. Playing.

I can't help but think about God, and His love for us. And how He delights in us. How we are His kids, and we, each and everyone of us, mean something to Him. He aren't all lumped together, just as my kids aren't. I love them individually and uniquely. And just as I delight in them being my children, God delights in us. I just love Him!!

It's not always someone else's fault.

In a message tonight preached by Dusty Hammock titled "Private Pain," He said "It's not always someone esle's fault," and boy, that hit a nerve with me.

Just the title hit a nerve, actually. He couldn't have preached anything more timely.

I am at the end of walking out some very private pain. A very long lasting pain that I have been praying for restoration, that seemingly was no where to be found. I have never known pain like it. And most wouldn't have known I was even in pain, hince, private pain. So, just the title resognated in my spirit.

One of the things that I have learned over the last few years of walking thru this, is that IT IS NOT ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT. And truth be told, this private pain that I have been in, was entirely MY fault. Yes, there were other people involved, BUT, the fault still lies in me.

In life, pain is inevitable. It's gonna happen. But sometimes.... we bring it into our life through bad choices. Sometimes bad choices take a LONG time to walk out. Sometimes, God strips you of alot of people, and things, to get you to the place that HE has for you. And, restoration almost never looks the way you envisioned.

With that said, I am greatly encouraged tonight. My heart is full of joy. I literally could blog all night, with many different titles, and still not feel like I said all I am feeling and thinking.

I am grateful to a God that doesn't give up on us. I am grateful that HE loved me enough to die for me, so that I can live. I am grateful for His mercy and grace and His healing power. And I am in awe of His power to restore. His power to restore back to Him, His power to restore marriages, His power to restore faith, His power to restore relationships.

What a Great and Mighty God we serve!

Deuteronomy 7:9

⁹ “Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;

No time for regrets

Lately all I can think about is spending quality time with my kids. Despite the crazy roller coaster we have been on, I make a conscious effort to be with them. I'm realizing that life doesn't slow down for anyone or anything. After all, my oldest is now 11! That just doesn't seem right.

I am so blessed that I got to be a stay at home mom with our kids, before they got in school. I cherished those moments. There was nothing more I wanted to do with my life, than to stay at home with my kids. Just the thought of leaving them nearly sent me into a panic attack. Oh, it was rough. Some days (weeks) are just a blur to me. Having 3 in 4.5 years can be challenging. But I have to say, I have so many wonderful memories of being with my kids. And I am so grateful for those years.

Now that they are in school and I am working we don't have all day together :( It is easy to just pick them up from school and be busy with homework, dinner, baths and bed without REALLY being together. My prayer is that God helps me to enjoy the little things with them. To notice them and to be here for them. To stop what I am doing and talk, listen and play with them. Before I know it they will be grown and gone.

Then:

Now:

I know that You are for me.

The simple words to a song just got me.

I haven't blogged in quite awhile. There has been so much going on, and to be honest my mind and heart has been all over the place lately, If I had tried blogging it would have been so confusing, to everyone, but me. I hadn't planned on blogging this morning but I was just cleaning and listening to my music on shuffle when God just used a song to speak to my heart.

The words:

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

I'm reminded that God is FOR me.

No matter what we go thru in life or where we find ourselves, He is FOR us. So many times we listen to the whispers that He doesn't care, that He isn't with us. What a lie. God created us. He is for us.

Could you image NOT being for your child. The child you created? Could you imagine turning your head in their time of hurt and pain. What about in their time of confusion and loneliness? Could you just walk away from them. Or are you standing there, arms opened wide, waiting on them to fall into your arms?

I believe God is standing there waiting, waiting for us to trust Him. Waiting for us to quit trying in our own strength and give into His love and protection. Just as sometimes as parents we don't swoop in and change the things our kids are walking thru, we are their to love and comfort them...as they go thru them. There are some things in life we just must simply walk thru.

Trust God today that He is for you.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

I love roller coasters...

but this one has been a bit much. I don't really think I am quite tall enough for it and would like to get off. :)

Since our yard sale I have not blogged. Shame on me. But wow, I don't even know where to start. During the yard sale time we were also in the process of buying our first home. We were already approved, made an offer on a house and paid the down payment. 2 days before closing we had a slight problem and the closing date was pushed back a few days. Only to get to that day and it be pushed back again. It has been heart breaking to say the least. We have been so discouraged, and confused.

I am a very transparent person, and not afraid to be myself and share my faults. Most anyone that knows us, know that Tim and I got started off on the wrong foot, what can I say, we were true newly-weds.... at age 20 we decided our marriage... and being together and having fun... was WAY more important that doing the grown up stuff... ya know.... going to work, paying bills ect.... we dug ourself a hole from the beginning..... but BOY did we have fun ;) LOL After that it kinda snow balled. And honestly, we had no idea how to get ourselves out of it so we ignored it for years... and that was NOT fun! :( Well, we began working on it about 4-5 years ago... but 2 years ago WE GOT SERIOUS! I can honestly say that it has only been with God's help that we have even gotten to this point. He has dramatically changed our finances and how we handle them.

That is why this has all been so hard, we feel like we have worked so hard, and then because of the mistakes of someone else, we are now left without a home. We still are not exactly sure what the outcome is. We wait. We had already turned our notice in on this house so we have to be out of here by Wednesday. We do have somewhere to go, but it is heartbreaking that we aren't moving from here to our own home.

At this point we don't really know what to think. Was that not the right house for us? Does He have something better? Is it not the right timing? Is He preparing us for the wait of the adoption? I don't know any of those answers.... but I trust that God has this under control and that there must be a reason for this all. He does hold my life in His hands and He absolutely knows whats best for me.

I have the most amazing husband in the world, 3 fun, fantastic kids with such great big hearts, and 2 children coming as a gift from God all the way from Africa. My walk with God is the most important thing in my life.... after that, my life is my family. No house will EVER mean more to me than them. No THING will ever compare to them. Sometimes God sends situations like this to remind us of how truly blessed we are!

What an awesome God we serve!

Feeling the love....REAL BIG!!

Wow. Talk about a busy day!! Today has been wonderful.

Started VERY early with our yard sale... and boy am I tired. But I am running on adrenaline and excitement!! I'm a little overwhelmed by all of the support..... and just how much God is blessing this journey. We have a very long way to go, BUT God continues to amaze us.

The one reason that we almost didn't follow God into this journey was finances. God affirmed and confirmed many times that HE would provide, so we stepped out with a leap of faith.... and no money! Which is unheard of for international adoptions. Most families that I have spoken to have several thousands saved (either from real estate profit, money left from a will or years of savings) before they started. Yet, when God spoke to us to start we literally only had hundreds in the savings. The unbelief in myself wanted us to have $6-7000 saved before we started.... just to make sure everything would be fine ect... but God said "no- start now." So, we did. We did it afraid, but we trust Him. Today has been yet another confirmation of His hand on our journey. What an awesome God He is!

Oh yeah, someone sent an email in to the producer of Fox 6 news and they came and did a segment on us today! :) My heart is so full of joy right now. Knowing that our 2 children, are waiting for us in Africa, we don't know them, but He knows who they are! God chose them to be our children! How amazing?! AND He will see us through to the end of this!!

Psalm 68:6

⁶ God sets the solitary in families;

Sometimes a hug is all you need!

So, this morning we were getting ready for church and I learned a valuable lesson.

Nathan had woke up early and went to watch tv on the couch and fell back asleep. So when I went to wake him up to get ready for church he was so whiney. He didn't want to take a bath, he said it was too hot, then he said the water hurt his toe, then he said it was too cold.....HE WAS WHINEY. I kept getting on to him, threatened a spanking, yelled and was about to lose it, when all of a sudden (after his bath was finished) I picked him up and held him and hugged him. He stopped crying, and when I put him down he went on to his room and finished getting dressed. He was fine the rest of the morning and day.

And I realized..... all he needed was a hug (and a little loving.) Sometimes we are in such a rush to get where we need to get, or do what we need to do, that we over look some of the basic things that those around us need.

It made me think about my life, and how sometimes, I don't need a lecture, or for someone to tell me what they would do in my situation. Sometime, a hug is all I need. Maybe I don't need you to "fix" me, but instead, just love me. I learned my lesson this morning. :) My little guy just needed some love.

God moments....and coffee!

Yep. I am sure all of my coffee lovers agree... coffee and God moments fit very well together.

They did tonight. I met a lady online that lives close by that is adopting, she then, hooked me up with a adoption connection group. I was so excited to go meet these ladies tonight. I had no idea what to expect, would it be 50 women or 1? Where would they be from, how would their adoption experience line up with mine? Oh my gosh, then you get into the high school feelings of... will they like me? Will I fit in? Will it be uncomfortable? Oh... women! :)

I have to say, it was a God moment. I mean, nothing spectacular happened... but then again, maybe it did ;) These ladies are wonderful. I'm amazed at how God orchestrates events and meetings in your life, to come at just the right times. It was refreshing, to fellowship and learn about these ladies and their experience with adoption, to hear of how God has and is providing for their adoptions. I look forward to getting to know them better!

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27: 17

T Shirts are in!

I am happy to announce that our first batch of shirts are in!! We are very pleased with how they turned out! This first order we only order 50, to see if we could even sale that many. All of the money for these shirts are going straight into our adoption fund!

The shirts are $20.00 each. You can click on the "Donate" button on the right side of the blog and pay there. In the note section when ordering please say what size you would like. Also, if you would like to pay in another form of payment that is fine too.

If you would like a shirt please email me at Rach4God@gmail.com

Thank you for supporting us in this journey! We are so grateful.

Yard Sale!!

Well, we are in full force in preparing for our yard sale. It has been moved from July 15 and 16th to July 29th and 30th. And wow... I have ALOT to do.

We are so blessed to have had so many people donate and give things for us to put in the sale. We have a little bit of everything, from furniture, baby "stuff", house ware, toys and TONS of clothes.

MY goal is $1000.00. I know most people don't make that much on a yard sale but I am aiming high! I have put alot of time into sorting, hanging and merchandising so it will be easy to shop. And hopefully that will help me sale more. As you can see from the picture.... my basement is a wreck! I am running out of room to hang things. But, that is a good thing.

I will be glad to get the yard sale over with so we can pack and get ready to move! And then, the application will be in the mail!!! :)

Phil 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Peace in good decisions.

While in the middle of being pulled in a million directions... I have peace. It's hard to explain, but there is much peace in knowing that you are right where God wants you.

As I type, I have much on my mind. We are in the middle of purchasing our home. We had the inspection yesterday and so far so good. We are set to close Aug 15. Also, we are preparing for our first (and hopefully last) fundraising yard sale. I have "stuff" every where. I have alot of organizing to do. I am also trying to prepare for school starting back up, if I don't start buying supplies and clothes now it will sneak up on me. Then, there is that stack of adoption paper work (that is done and waiting on the right time to be sent out!) staring me in the face every night. Can I just tell you that there is such a peace.

I am now beginning to understand God's timing for our life a little bit better than I have in the past. It drove me crazy to wait in the past, but I truly appreciate the wait now.

God has flooded me with His peace that we are making the right choices. In the flesh it might look crazy, we are downsizing, from a BIG house, 5 br 4 ba to a medium size house with 5 br 2 ba. and I have such a peace about it. Oh and, don't forget that our family will be growing in the next 12-18 months! I've come to trust that God's plan for my life will never steer me wrong, it might not be EXACTLY what I WANT.... but I am guaranteed that it will be EXACTLY what is best for me... and my family. And that is my desire.

Tears come to my eyes while writing this, I am so amazed at God's love and plan for my life. What an awesome God we serve.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord … ”(Psalm 37:23)

A day to remember!

I have dreamed of this day for years. And, we have worked hard to get to this day for the last 2 years. It's hard to believe that it is here.

Yesterday we were approved for our mortgage and made an offer on a house. Today it was accepted! Woo hoo- I am doing the happy dance!! We are about to be home owners. Better late than never! :) We are so excited and a little over whelmed. Not bad, but there is alot more to it than we ever imagined. So much paper work, as if we don't have enough already with our adoption, and way too much "number" talk.

With that said, we are beside ourself. Ready for this new phase in our life. Now, the packing will begin. Well, actually not now. But soon. Right now our basement is FULL of yardsale "stuff." So that is making me feel real cluttered. I'll be glad to get that out of here. Hopefully it will be worth all of the trouble. So, we will be closing in the middle of August and moving shortly after.

Today I have been reminded that God is faithful and that if you want things to change in your life, and do the hard things, they will. Satan wanted us to believe that we would NEVER be any different. That we would always struggle financially and always fail at being responsible. A little back ground... just for fun... Tim and I are SO much alike. Int he fact that we both HATE keeping records of money spent, we HATE (like most people) sitting down and paying our bills. We are both pretty un organized when it comes to our finances, we'd rather have fun now and pay for it later. And we lived like that for YEARS. Until we finally got tired of it.

We finally grew up :) For the past 2 years we know exactly how much we have in the bank, we have a savings account and none of our utilities have been cut off :) I laugh about it now, but it was a miserable way to live. We honestly didn't believe we'd ever get it all together enough to buy a house.

All I can say is PRAISE GOD for all of His help in helping us to change. It was baby steps, but we were faithful to do what He was asking us to do. Thank you Lord!!

Psalm 89:33
Nevertheless My lovingkindness I will not utterly take from him,Nor allow My faithfulness to fail

Paperwork...paperwork.. and more paperwork!

Let the paperwork begin. This last week I spent time organizing and getting all of our stuff together to start the actual adoption process. That means birth certificates, social security cards (x's 5!) W'2, proof of insurance and so on, must all be located.

Let's just say that I am not the most organized person in the world. BUT, I was only missing one important item, the birth certificate of my middle child, considering all the papers that needed to be gathered, missing one was not to bad! (In my opinion!) I quickly sent off for a replacement and hopefully will be ready to go soon.

Last night we began the actual paper work for the agency we are leaning toward using. 11 pages. This is serious stuff. Several questions call for a paragraph answer... LOL Needless to say, I printed 3 copies of it so I can practice and get my answers right.

It's so nerve racking. I mean, gosh, I didn't have to fill out that much paper work when having kids. I'm not sure I filled anything out... these people want to know all of our history, likes, dislikes, family routines, personalities... I mean, will they deny me adoption because I don't make my kids eat their veggies? Or, what if I let them jump on the bed or stay up all night long during the summer? Am I unfit to adopt because of that one stupid incident when I was 18? (Long story....) It asked if we had a history of depression? Well, yes I have, my dad died when I was 23 and I didn't handle that too well, is that a deal breaker for me to adopt? How serious do they take my answers? Do I write what they want to hear, or the truth? I know, I know, it is ALWAYS better to tell the truth, I have learned that over the years, and I plan too, although, it does give me a little anxiety!! But, thankfully, we have gotten thru the first 6 pages.... AND our kids are gone for the week to their Grandmothers for VBS, so I have plenty of time to get my paperwork and yard sale stuff done this week. Thanks Rita!!!

Well, that is enough rambling for now. Although I have plenty more to say, I'll save some for tomorrow! Just know, we really appreciate all of the prayers and support and we are so blessed to have such awesome family and friends!! Thank you for surrounding us with love!

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Preparation

Preparation has been under way for our adoption. My heart is filled with love... and expectancy as we ready our selves.

First things first, we are still awaiting approval for our mortgage. After that, we plan to make an offer on a house we have found and fill out our application for adoption. All in the same week. As for right now, I am getting all of our paper work together; birth certificate's, social security card's, W-2's, proof of insurance(life & health), and the list goes on and on. Oddly enough, it all seems to be coming together!

We now have $325.00 raised of our own money, and are about to take some of that money out to invest in some t shirts to sale. We are praying that God turns that investment around and our money is doubled... or tripled! We are hopeful!

As of right now, there are still only a handful of people that know of the adoption. We hope, after buying our home to send out letters asking for support and prayer. It seems like just getting to that point is taking forever! But I have to say, I am enjoying the process. Thinking and praying daily for children that i have yet met. My heart melts with just the thought of two more children in the house, 4 more little feet running wild! It makes me smile! I can't wait to meet them, and hold them!

So, to those reading this... stayed tuned for tshirt's.... which have already been ordered!! I can't wait to begin to sale them!!

Also, I ask for your prayers. We have an important decision coming up and we desperately need some direction! Thanks!!

Psalms 10:14

God is the “helper of the fatherless”

Seems Impossible.

As Tim and I spent some time together tonight we were talking about the adoption process. We were going over some paper work we have and looking at the payment schedule. I had a slight of overwhelmingness come over me. And the Lord spoke to my heart... "this is MY plan for your life and I will provide."

Ya see, in our eyes this really seems impossible. How in the world can we come up with all of this money, in this time frame. The Bible is full of stories of Hope, in which God moved mountains for His people. It's proof that when He calls someone to do His work then it is His strength and power that accomplishes that plan. I'm excited to see how God provides!

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

Rough weekend.

This is Father's Day and yesterday marked the 9th anniversary of when my dad passed away. So, needless to say, it's been a rough weekend. We've been busy, so that has been good. But the heaviness during this time hovered over me. There is no other way to put it: I miss my dad. I do, and I get sad on Father's Day, and the 18th. Everyone over the years has constantly said "atleast you were blessed with such a wonderful dad for 23 years" TRUE, BUT, that still doesn't make this easier. Especially on days like yesterday, we had Nate's 6th b'day party and the whole family was together, playing in the pool, and it makes me miss him.

I just think about how much he would love my kids. I can just hear him and Allie talking and laughing together, and see him and Nate outside throwing the football! And I'm certain, he would be thrilled to death about us adopting. If anyone knew about loving people it was him. He loved big. And everyone knew it. I'm also certain that he would be extremely proud of Tim for his work at The Foundry. He would love that place. It is filled with alot of "Joe's" Men just like him in his younger days!

I truly look forward to the day that I will forever be with him in eternity. Where this nagging void from not having my dad on this earth will be filled! Until then, I'll keep on keeping on, treasuring every single day with the ones that I love!

Psalm 116:15

¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints.

Encouragement all around!

I just gotta say that I have been so encouraged today. Not that I was down, that's not it, but I just love how the Lord works.

I love how when He plants something inside of you, He doesn't just leave it. He water's it and nurtures it. It's not all left up for me to figure out, how to make it thrive... or just survive. LOL He is there, with every step of the way, preparing the way. Even though no application has been filled out for our adoption process, things are in motion. God is moving. He continues to bless us financially. Listen closely when I say this. We are not rich, and as a matter of fact, finances has been one of the biggest struggles in our marriage. Or should I say, lack of finances. LOL Lack of maturity and responsibility in our finances. So, yes, I know the enemy laughed when we agreed to the call of adoption. The thermometer to the right of this page is correct, we need around $30,000.00 to complete the process. The enemy taunts me daily with "that's never gonna happen," or "ha.. yeah right, like y'all can save $30,000.00." Guess what? That is how we know this is God. Satan is right, WE could never do it, but PRAISE GOD that we aren't relying on ourselves!!

Philippians 4:13 says

¹³ I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.

Even though our faith is in God, there is some "doing" that is left to us. We can't just do what we want and wait for God to magically drop the money in our lap. We have to be very diligent in what He asks of us. Which means, budgeting and saving of our own finances, and then following Him in our fundraising. So far, I'm amazed. I am, I just can't help it. My God owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalms 50:10) and He says they are all mine. He wants to provide for our adoption, it is apart of His plan for our life. All we have to do is trust Him. It still seems all too big for me. Hardly believable. Or doable. But I am encouraged. Just like there was no chance that David should have beat Goliath, He did. All odds were against Him... but then God.

Thank you God for loving me. Little 'ole me. My faith and trust is in You, and You alone. As You lead, we will follow...whole-heartedly. There has already been a way for us, paved by you, all we have to do is follow. And I just gotta say, there is no where else I'd rather be, than right smack dab in the middle of Your will for my life! I love you Lord! You are an awesome God!!

Matthew 7:11

¹¹ If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Things I don't do anymore

1. Chew on straws

2. Run with scissors in my hand

3. Say "what's good for the goose is good for the gambler."

4. Stutter....unless I am really excited

5. Wear my hat backwards

6. Spend bill money on vacations

7. Slam doors when I get mad

8. Answer the phone by saying "chello"

9. Eat produce (grapes, green beans ect.) before buying it at the grocery store

10. Dread getting up in the mornings

When we look back to our yesterday, or last year, it can seem like we haven't made any progress in our spiritual walk. Just as we wouldn't put our hand on a hot stove right now, there are spiritual applications in play in our life, that come just as natural. Just because you don't see huge daily changes does not mean that change isn't happening. Maturing in Him (and in the natural) happens in the small things in life. They all add up to make a huge difference in our lives.

Be encouraged. You are maturing in ways that you don't even know it.

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

It's so worth it.

Well, essentially this blog is about our journey thru adoption, so I almost didn't write this. But a small voice inside my head (and heart) reminded me that if it wasn't for this, there wouldn't be an adoption. So I am going to write about it.

Yesterday I was in one of my best friends weddings. And wow, she was beautiful. It was beautiful. But the whole day all I could think about was my wedding day. What an awesome day it was. I had tears in my eyes thinking about our journey over the years. Tears of joy and sadness. As I slow danced last night with my head on my husbands chest, he whispered "I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else." WOW! I totally agree. We have had our share of heart ache along the way. We married young (20) so we did some stupid stuff when we were younger. For example, for the first 6 months of marriage we thought it was one big slumber party and called in to work, didn't pay our bills ect. We had a blast, but made things hard on ourselves. Oh Gosh, there have been way to many mistakes to list on this blog, and times that we thought the only answer was to call it quits. BUT God encouraged us to FIGHT thru it. So, fight is what we did. We held on to every little bit of hope that we had. Which at the time, wasn't much. God just kept speaking to both of us that if we would do the hard thing and fight for our marriage, then it would be worth it. He reminded me of Joel 2:25 where God said "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you."

Because of our many mistakes the locusts had stolen so much from us. It left us hopeless and devastated. BUT MY GOD IS FAITHFUL! I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. Some days I cried until I couldn't cry. The only thing I knew was to trust God and fight! I believe marriage is something to fight for. Call me old fashion, but I HATE divorce. I hate what it does to families. Although, even for us, it looked like the best way out, well, maybe not the best, but the easiest. But God doesn't call us to a life of ease. I thank God everyday for a husband that will fight for me. A Godly man that will arise in the time of difficulty and fight for what is right. Standing on the other side of it, I can easily say.. It is so worth it! To watch God move on our marriage when their was nothing left for us to do, was nothing short of a miracle. Believe me, there was no magic wand waved..... it wasn't that easy. We had to work. Hard. Because of that time in my life, I will never be the same again! Praise God!! He is my Redeemer!

Job 19:25

For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;

God has longings too.

God is perfect, whole and complete and yet He still has longings. He longs for us. How amazing is that? Often times I let satan condemn me for having longings. As if longings are a bad thing. Our longings are not sinful. The truth is, we were made for something more than this world has to offer. There are places in my soul that ache to be filled, by being and doing ALL that God created me to do/be. Don't get me wrong. I am very content in the Lord, and with my life. Actually, I am more content than I have ever been. With that said, I have allowed my soul to be awakened to the longings in me. Longings that I know are from God. Longings that only He can fulfill. I truly believe that God put longings down deep in all of us, and that if we reach far enough down, and are not afraid of going out on a limb, then God will fulfill those longings. I have named my longings, and I have faith that God is bringing them to pass. I believe that God longs for us to trust Him and do those things that He designed for us to do. I'm finding out, that those longings are not meant to stay in our heart and mind, for us to day dream about. Those are longings that God put in us, so that with Him, we would do all we could do to bring that to past.

The problem is, we all have a God-given longing in us and we try to fill it with "stuff" and people. We buy, buy, buy and buy! And then, we attach ourselves to people. We idolize them, give all we have to them and are still left with a void. It's because we are trying to fill a God given longing with the world. Only God can fill this longing and bring all our longings to past. And He will.

Psalm 38:9

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

God is moving!

And I am not surprised!! As I write this I am totally in awe of God, and how He moves. His word says in Matthew 7:11 "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? "

Philippians 4:19 says "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

When we started this journey the scariest thing for us was the finances. BUT, we have an unspeakable peace. Not because of ourselves, if it was left to us, in our own human ability to "make" this happen, we would fail, miserably. We have a peace because we trust God. His word says that He will supply all of our needs, and I believe Him. We have had many people encourage us and say "if God has called y'all to do this, then do it, HE WILL PROVIDE!"

With that said, in the middle of saving and planning for buying our home, last week I felt like it was time to trust God and open our savings account for the adoption. So I went and opened it up with $25 cash to deposit into it. That was 4 days ago and as of tonight we have over $100 in there. All coming from selling items that were donated to us (from Tim's dad) on Ebay. Oh and, we have 39 more of those exact items to sale. :) I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness that God is leading us in this journey and that He will provide every step of the way. You see, His dad who is moving several states away was cleaning his house and going to give a TON of stuff to Hannah Home ect. until he found out that were going to have a yard sale soon. So He loaded Tim up with stuff. We didn't think any of it would really sell for much, but GOD can do anything. We were amazed that His dad had tried to sale the very same thing in a yard sale for $10 and couldn't and yet we sold 3 today for $40 each! And like I said, we have about 40+ more!!! I don't know why, but we limit God, and then all of a sudden when you least expect it, BAM... He shows off. What an awesome God we serve!

I'm sure you are wondering why I am making a big deal out of this, It's not like I have $1000 or $10,000 in savings. It is going to cost us close to $30,000.00 for this adoption. And technically we were not starting our saving (in our plans!) for the adoption until after our new house purchase. But God's timing is different! And when He says it's time, then it's time. Thank God for His provisions, now, and for the entire journey!! This is exciting!!

Luke 12:7
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Love with no regrets!

I heard a song recently that rings in my ear all the time now. Here are some of the lyrics:

Saying live with no excuses

Love with no regrets

Laugh a lot and leave this life

With nothing left unsaid

Make this world a better place

Don‘t be afraid to cry

And when it‘s finally time, to say goodbye

Nothing to prove, nothing to lose

Nothing to hide

You see, life can not be measured by

The place you live, the car you drive

The thing that counts the day you die

Is who you are, and what‘s inside

So tell the truth, don‘t ever lie

Integrity at any price

Your words, your bond, your highest price

So guard it close, and live your life

I gotta say, God really convicted me thru this song. I have not done a very good job of living like this. I have definitely held back love when I should have loved, I have had many excuses and regrets. And sad to say, I have told my fair share of lies. I've been afraid to cry, and taken life way too serious at times.

As I listened to this song, tears ran down my face, because I don't want to wake up one day with too many regrets, and no time to make up for them. I don't want to leave a legacy to my children that things are more important than people, and that integrity doesn't matter.

God, help me to live with no excuses and love with no regrets. No matter the cost, if you are calling me into something I make no excuses, I will follow you. God, help me not be afraid to love and be loved. God, help me to make this world a better place. Help me Lord, to leave a Godly legacy behind....one that leads my kids and grandkids straight to YOU and Your Word. I don't want to be like the world. I want to be like you. Help me to live each day to the fullest and make no excuses for who You have created and called me to be!! I love you Lord!

Philippians 2:14-16

¹⁴ Do all things without complaining and disputing, ¹⁵ that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.