Paperwork...paperwork.. and more paperwork!

Let the paperwork begin. This last week I spent time organizing and getting all of our stuff together to start the actual adoption process. That means birth certificates, social security cards (x's 5!) W'2, proof of insurance and so on, must all be located.

Let's just say that I am not the most organized person in the world. BUT, I was only missing one important item, the birth certificate of my middle child, considering all the papers that needed to be gathered, missing one was not to bad! (In my opinion!) I quickly sent off for a replacement and hopefully will be ready to go soon.

Last night we began the actual paper work for the agency we are leaning toward using. 11 pages. This is serious stuff. Several questions call for a paragraph answer... LOL Needless to say, I printed 3 copies of it so I can practice and get my answers right.

It's so nerve racking. I mean, gosh, I didn't have to fill out that much paper work when having kids. I'm not sure I filled anything out... these people want to know all of our history, likes, dislikes, family routines, personalities... I mean, will they deny me adoption because I don't make my kids eat their veggies? Or, what if I let them jump on the bed or stay up all night long during the summer? Am I unfit to adopt because of that one stupid incident when I was 18? (Long story....) It asked if we had a history of depression? Well, yes I have, my dad died when I was 23 and I didn't handle that too well, is that a deal breaker for me to adopt? How serious do they take my answers? Do I write what they want to hear, or the truth? I know, I know, it is ALWAYS better to tell the truth, I have learned that over the years, and I plan too, although, it does give me a little anxiety!! But, thankfully, we have gotten thru the first 6 pages.... AND our kids are gone for the week to their Grandmothers for VBS, so I have plenty of time to get my paperwork and yard sale stuff done this week. Thanks Rita!!!

Well, that is enough rambling for now. Although I have plenty more to say, I'll save some for tomorrow! Just know, we really appreciate all of the prayers and support and we are so blessed to have such awesome family and friends!! Thank you for surrounding us with love!

Jeremiah 29:11
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Preparation

Preparation has been under way for our adoption. My heart is filled with love... and expectancy as we ready our selves.

First things first, we are still awaiting approval for our mortgage. After that, we plan to make an offer on a house we have found and fill out our application for adoption. All in the same week. As for right now, I am getting all of our paper work together; birth certificate's, social security card's, W-2's, proof of insurance(life & health), and the list goes on and on. Oddly enough, it all seems to be coming together!

We now have $325.00 raised of our own money, and are about to take some of that money out to invest in some t shirts to sale. We are praying that God turns that investment around and our money is doubled... or tripled! We are hopeful!

As of right now, there are still only a handful of people that know of the adoption. We hope, after buying our home to send out letters asking for support and prayer. It seems like just getting to that point is taking forever! But I have to say, I am enjoying the process. Thinking and praying daily for children that i have yet met. My heart melts with just the thought of two more children in the house, 4 more little feet running wild! It makes me smile! I can't wait to meet them, and hold them!

So, to those reading this... stayed tuned for tshirt's.... which have already been ordered!! I can't wait to begin to sale them!!

Also, I ask for your prayers. We have an important decision coming up and we desperately need some direction! Thanks!!

Psalms 10:14

God is the “helper of the fatherless”

Seems Impossible.

As Tim and I spent some time together tonight we were talking about the adoption process. We were going over some paper work we have and looking at the payment schedule. I had a slight of overwhelmingness come over me. And the Lord spoke to my heart... "this is MY plan for your life and I will provide."

Ya see, in our eyes this really seems impossible. How in the world can we come up with all of this money, in this time frame. The Bible is full of stories of Hope, in which God moved mountains for His people. It's proof that when He calls someone to do His work then it is His strength and power that accomplishes that plan. I'm excited to see how God provides!

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread.

Rough weekend.

This is Father's Day and yesterday marked the 9th anniversary of when my dad passed away. So, needless to say, it's been a rough weekend. We've been busy, so that has been good. But the heaviness during this time hovered over me. There is no other way to put it: I miss my dad. I do, and I get sad on Father's Day, and the 18th. Everyone over the years has constantly said "atleast you were blessed with such a wonderful dad for 23 years" TRUE, BUT, that still doesn't make this easier. Especially on days like yesterday, we had Nate's 6th b'day party and the whole family was together, playing in the pool, and it makes me miss him.

I just think about how much he would love my kids. I can just hear him and Allie talking and laughing together, and see him and Nate outside throwing the football! And I'm certain, he would be thrilled to death about us adopting. If anyone knew about loving people it was him. He loved big. And everyone knew it. I'm also certain that he would be extremely proud of Tim for his work at The Foundry. He would love that place. It is filled with alot of "Joe's" Men just like him in his younger days!

I truly look forward to the day that I will forever be with him in eternity. Where this nagging void from not having my dad on this earth will be filled! Until then, I'll keep on keeping on, treasuring every single day with the ones that I love!

Psalm 116:15

¹⁵ Precious in the sight of the LORD
Is the death of His saints.

Encouragement all around!

I just gotta say that I have been so encouraged today. Not that I was down, that's not it, but I just love how the Lord works.

I love how when He plants something inside of you, He doesn't just leave it. He water's it and nurtures it. It's not all left up for me to figure out, how to make it thrive... or just survive. LOL He is there, with every step of the way, preparing the way. Even though no application has been filled out for our adoption process, things are in motion. God is moving. He continues to bless us financially. Listen closely when I say this. We are not rich, and as a matter of fact, finances has been one of the biggest struggles in our marriage. Or should I say, lack of finances. LOL Lack of maturity and responsibility in our finances. So, yes, I know the enemy laughed when we agreed to the call of adoption. The thermometer to the right of this page is correct, we need around $30,000.00 to complete the process. The enemy taunts me daily with "that's never gonna happen," or "ha.. yeah right, like y'all can save $30,000.00." Guess what? That is how we know this is God. Satan is right, WE could never do it, but PRAISE GOD that we aren't relying on ourselves!!

Philippians 4:13 says

¹³ I can do all things through Christ, because he gives me strength.

Even though our faith is in God, there is some "doing" that is left to us. We can't just do what we want and wait for God to magically drop the money in our lap. We have to be very diligent in what He asks of us. Which means, budgeting and saving of our own finances, and then following Him in our fundraising. So far, I'm amazed. I am, I just can't help it. My God owns the cattle on a thousand hills (Psalms 50:10) and He says they are all mine. He wants to provide for our adoption, it is apart of His plan for our life. All we have to do is trust Him. It still seems all too big for me. Hardly believable. Or doable. But I am encouraged. Just like there was no chance that David should have beat Goliath, He did. All odds were against Him... but then God.

Thank you God for loving me. Little 'ole me. My faith and trust is in You, and You alone. As You lead, we will follow...whole-heartedly. There has already been a way for us, paved by you, all we have to do is follow. And I just gotta say, there is no where else I'd rather be, than right smack dab in the middle of Your will for my life! I love you Lord! You are an awesome God!!

Matthew 7:11

¹¹ If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Things I don't do anymore

1. Chew on straws

2. Run with scissors in my hand

3. Say "what's good for the goose is good for the gambler."

4. Stutter....unless I am really excited

5. Wear my hat backwards

6. Spend bill money on vacations

7. Slam doors when I get mad

8. Answer the phone by saying "chello"

9. Eat produce (grapes, green beans ect.) before buying it at the grocery store

10. Dread getting up in the mornings

When we look back to our yesterday, or last year, it can seem like we haven't made any progress in our spiritual walk. Just as we wouldn't put our hand on a hot stove right now, there are spiritual applications in play in our life, that come just as natural. Just because you don't see huge daily changes does not mean that change isn't happening. Maturing in Him (and in the natural) happens in the small things in life. They all add up to make a huge difference in our lives.

Be encouraged. You are maturing in ways that you don't even know it.

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

It's so worth it.

Well, essentially this blog is about our journey thru adoption, so I almost didn't write this. But a small voice inside my head (and heart) reminded me that if it wasn't for this, there wouldn't be an adoption. So I am going to write about it.

Yesterday I was in one of my best friends weddings. And wow, she was beautiful. It was beautiful. But the whole day all I could think about was my wedding day. What an awesome day it was. I had tears in my eyes thinking about our journey over the years. Tears of joy and sadness. As I slow danced last night with my head on my husbands chest, he whispered "I wouldn't want to be on this journey with anyone else." WOW! I totally agree. We have had our share of heart ache along the way. We married young (20) so we did some stupid stuff when we were younger. For example, for the first 6 months of marriage we thought it was one big slumber party and called in to work, didn't pay our bills ect. We had a blast, but made things hard on ourselves. Oh Gosh, there have been way to many mistakes to list on this blog, and times that we thought the only answer was to call it quits. BUT God encouraged us to FIGHT thru it. So, fight is what we did. We held on to every little bit of hope that we had. Which at the time, wasn't much. God just kept speaking to both of us that if we would do the hard thing and fight for our marriage, then it would be worth it. He reminded me of Joel 2:25 where God said "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten,The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust, My great army which I sent among you."

Because of our many mistakes the locusts had stolen so much from us. It left us hopeless and devastated. BUT MY GOD IS FAITHFUL! I can honestly say that I wouldn't trade this journey for anything. Some days I cried until I couldn't cry. The only thing I knew was to trust God and fight! I believe marriage is something to fight for. Call me old fashion, but I HATE divorce. I hate what it does to families. Although, even for us, it looked like the best way out, well, maybe not the best, but the easiest. But God doesn't call us to a life of ease. I thank God everyday for a husband that will fight for me. A Godly man that will arise in the time of difficulty and fight for what is right. Standing on the other side of it, I can easily say.. It is so worth it! To watch God move on our marriage when their was nothing left for us to do, was nothing short of a miracle. Believe me, there was no magic wand waved..... it wasn't that easy. We had to work. Hard. Because of that time in my life, I will never be the same again! Praise God!! He is my Redeemer!

Job 19:25

For I know that my Redeemer lives,
And He shall stand at last on the earth;

God has longings too.

God is perfect, whole and complete and yet He still has longings. He longs for us. How amazing is that? Often times I let satan condemn me for having longings. As if longings are a bad thing. Our longings are not sinful. The truth is, we were made for something more than this world has to offer. There are places in my soul that ache to be filled, by being and doing ALL that God created me to do/be. Don't get me wrong. I am very content in the Lord, and with my life. Actually, I am more content than I have ever been. With that said, I have allowed my soul to be awakened to the longings in me. Longings that I know are from God. Longings that only He can fulfill. I truly believe that God put longings down deep in all of us, and that if we reach far enough down, and are not afraid of going out on a limb, then God will fulfill those longings. I have named my longings, and I have faith that God is bringing them to pass. I believe that God longs for us to trust Him and do those things that He designed for us to do. I'm finding out, that those longings are not meant to stay in our heart and mind, for us to day dream about. Those are longings that God put in us, so that with Him, we would do all we could do to bring that to past.

The problem is, we all have a God-given longing in us and we try to fill it with "stuff" and people. We buy, buy, buy and buy! And then, we attach ourselves to people. We idolize them, give all we have to them and are still left with a void. It's because we are trying to fill a God given longing with the world. Only God can fill this longing and bring all our longings to past. And He will.

Psalm 38:9

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;

my sighing is not hidden from you.

God is moving!

And I am not surprised!! As I write this I am totally in awe of God, and how He moves. His word says in Matthew 7:11 "If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? "

Philippians 4:19 says "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus."

When we started this journey the scariest thing for us was the finances. BUT, we have an unspeakable peace. Not because of ourselves, if it was left to us, in our own human ability to "make" this happen, we would fail, miserably. We have a peace because we trust God. His word says that He will supply all of our needs, and I believe Him. We have had many people encourage us and say "if God has called y'all to do this, then do it, HE WILL PROVIDE!"

With that said, in the middle of saving and planning for buying our home, last week I felt like it was time to trust God and open our savings account for the adoption. So I went and opened it up with $25 cash to deposit into it. That was 4 days ago and as of tonight we have over $100 in there. All coming from selling items that were donated to us (from Tim's dad) on Ebay. Oh and, we have 39 more of those exact items to sale. :) I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness that God is leading us in this journey and that He will provide every step of the way. You see, His dad who is moving several states away was cleaning his house and going to give a TON of stuff to Hannah Home ect. until he found out that were going to have a yard sale soon. So He loaded Tim up with stuff. We didn't think any of it would really sell for much, but GOD can do anything. We were amazed that His dad had tried to sale the very same thing in a yard sale for $10 and couldn't and yet we sold 3 today for $40 each! And like I said, we have about 40+ more!!! I don't know why, but we limit God, and then all of a sudden when you least expect it, BAM... He shows off. What an awesome God we serve!

I'm sure you are wondering why I am making a big deal out of this, It's not like I have $1000 or $10,000 in savings. It is going to cost us close to $30,000.00 for this adoption. And technically we were not starting our saving (in our plans!) for the adoption until after our new house purchase. But God's timing is different! And when He says it's time, then it's time. Thank God for His provisions, now, and for the entire journey!! This is exciting!!

Luke 12:7
But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Love with no regrets!

I heard a song recently that rings in my ear all the time now. Here are some of the lyrics:

Saying live with no excuses

Love with no regrets

Laugh a lot and leave this life

With nothing left unsaid

Make this world a better place

Don‘t be afraid to cry

And when it‘s finally time, to say goodbye

Nothing to prove, nothing to lose

Nothing to hide

You see, life can not be measured by

The place you live, the car you drive

The thing that counts the day you die

Is who you are, and what‘s inside

So tell the truth, don‘t ever lie

Integrity at any price

Your words, your bond, your highest price

So guard it close, and live your life

I gotta say, God really convicted me thru this song. I have not done a very good job of living like this. I have definitely held back love when I should have loved, I have had many excuses and regrets. And sad to say, I have told my fair share of lies. I've been afraid to cry, and taken life way too serious at times.

As I listened to this song, tears ran down my face, because I don't want to wake up one day with too many regrets, and no time to make up for them. I don't want to leave a legacy to my children that things are more important than people, and that integrity doesn't matter.

God, help me to live with no excuses and love with no regrets. No matter the cost, if you are calling me into something I make no excuses, I will follow you. God, help me not be afraid to love and be loved. God, help me to make this world a better place. Help me Lord, to leave a Godly legacy behind....one that leads my kids and grandkids straight to YOU and Your Word. I don't want to be like the world. I want to be like you. Help me to live each day to the fullest and make no excuses for who You have created and called me to be!! I love you Lord!

Philippians 2:14-16

¹⁴ Do all things without complaining and disputing, ¹⁵ that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, ¹⁶ holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.