Time flies!

This picture brings back such sweet memories! It makes me smile, and tear up. Oh, how it seems like yesterday that my kids were this age. It definately makes you stop and think about life, and how you spend your time. I haven't always been the best steward of my time. I like to sleep. Ok, that is an understatement. I LOVE to sleep. There is nothing better than a nice cold, dark room with warm covers and a feather pillow. I have heard it a million times "you're gonna sleep your life away, you don't want to do that do you?" Well, actually, I might! :) I seriously could go to sleep at 7 every night and sleep until at least 9 in the morning. Well, that probably isn't going to win me "mom of the year!" No, but seriously, I have been thinking a lot about my time, and how I spend it. Right now, my ministry is my family. So I am to minister to their needs, be it, physical, emotion, spiritually and mentally. The most important thing I can do with my time right now, other than spending it with God, is to spend it with my family. After all, one day they will be "grown and gone." (Well, hopefully not my husband LOL.... oh just joking!) What a sad day that will be. Then it will be on to the next phase of my life. But for now, my time is spent pretty much like this: cleaning up spills, breaking up fights, making up beds, cuddling on the couch watching tv, sweeping up spilled cereal, breaking up fights ;), reading devotions, sharing secrets, breaking up fights... you get the point. ;) This doesn't last forever....sad to say! So, with that said, I am doing what I can to make the best of my time. It's part of the order that God is bringing into our family!! God, help me to make the best use of my time. Knowing that our time on earth is so short, and that we are not promised tomorrow. Help me treasure my family and enjoy everyday with them.

Ecclesiastes 1:5

⁵ The sun rises, the sun sets,

and then it hurries back to where it rises again.

Broken

Today has been a great day. I have been a little overwhelmed lately with house work so I took this opportunity to catch up. Tim is gone to his Dad's in AR and I sent the kids outside to play. I had several uninterrupted hours to clean. I plugged my iphone into the dock and turned on Pandora to Praise and Worship. And the cleaning began! I enjoyed some time to just be with God. As I was cleaning something began stirring in me. God was showing me my brokenness. The reason for my sometimes ill, impatient, discontent self! "But God" I replied! This is one time in my life I don't feel broken. There have been moments in my life that I KNEW I was broken. Completely. But now isn't one of them. Yet, God continued. He was showing me that we all are broken. We all have something in us that makes us feel as though we aren't complete. Something hovering over us, leaving us needing something. Someone. It's actually not a bad thing. Because we recognize our need for God. I've matured alot over the last few years.... but can I tell you.... I NEED GOD!

I, actually, was grateful for God speaking that to me today. Sometimes I just feel like something is missing. We have all done it. Thinking that new car or house would somehow make us happy. And when it doesn't, well then, a vacation will make us happy. Oh, that didn't work either, well, lets have another baby. Surely I am not the only one who has done this. I've learned the hard way that noTHING will make me happy, better yet, noONE other than God can either. He alone completes me. He alone gives me my joy. Sure I have joy in my husband and kids. Yet, they do not and were not created to satisfy me. Only He can do that!

So when I start feeling an ache in my heart, it's probably because I need to stop and spend some time with God. As a matter of fact, I shouldn't wait to have an ache. In this busy thing called life, help me not to neglect the ONE Who gave me life.

Isaiah 26:3

³ You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

God's timing.

God's timing is not always an easy thing to understand. I don't

really always understand His timing and His plans. All day today

I have been anxious about upcoming events. Buying our first home.

We have found one that we love. It is everything that we prayed for.

Actually, when we began the search for a new home we automatically

began looking in the $200-$250 range. Over the last few weeks

God really began dealing with me about surrendering my dream,

and trusting Him. So with that, He led me to an awesome deal. It is

here in the same town, so the kids wouldn't have to change schools,

it is 5 bedrooms.... which means room for 3 kids their own room

and 2 share. (Which Allie has already proclaimed "this is mine and

my little sister's room" which I think is adorable, especially since

we have not even officially begun the adoption process.) It is on a

dead end street, so the kids can ride their bikes and be safe, it is

actually the last house on the dead end!! It has a GREAT back yard,

full of plenty of room to play and woods for the kids to do their "exploring." The best part? This house

would cut our house payment in HALF!!! How awesome is God, if you just surrender and trust Him. That would leave

plenty of room to save for the adoption and buy some MUCH needed furniture!! :)

Then the timing issue begins! We love this house, and really want it. But we are not quite ready to make an

offer. We are still waiting on our mortgage approval, which should happen this month! AND, we are not wanting

to leave our landlords until they are prepared. With that, I pray that if this is God's will then the timing will

all work out. That when we are ready, the house will still be available. And, when that time comes, our

landlord will have another renter and things will work out!! So help me believe for God's timing to be perfect, for

all involved!

A good example of timing that the Lord showed me was this. We just recently decided to hold our son,

Nathan, back into Kindergarten. It was a very hard decision, but definitely the best for him. He has

struggled all year long, is immature and very little, he just isn't ready for first grade. Now, as his parents

we need to do what is best for him, not what is least painful. If we allowed him to go on to first grade

when he wasn't ready then that would make things worse for him. As his parents, we have to do the hard things.

Same thing with God, He understands our hurts, and anxiety about waiting. And I am positive that He

feels what we feel (just like Tim and I do Nathan!) but ultimately His goal is to do His will in our life,

which is the best thing for us!

This is a great time to allow our trust and faith in Him to grow!!

Psalm 37:7

⁷ Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.

Listening to God.

First of all I am disobeying my husband and posting 2 blogs in one day. He actually told me that I should only blog every other day. Well, that is silly I tell you. What if I have more than one thing to share, or like tonight, what if after I blog, I feel the need to share something else? So, I am sorry hun, but I must break your silly rule.

For those of you that know me you will understand this a little more, but others may not. You see, for years, yep, years, I just lived....blah. Nothing special. I basically just tried to survive. After my dad died I suffered from depression, and it just seemed to get worse. I never seemed to be happy. No matter what, I wasn't happy. Oh, I loved the Lord, yet, something was missing. In the last 2 years God has radically changed my life. Day by day, step by step He has brought me to true freedom. I am no longer the depressed, sleep- all-day, never gonna be happy girl. I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Nothing physically has changed, other than Tim and I putting God's principals into action in our life to bring order. For instance, we haven't won the lottery, there hasn't been a giant salary increase and no one is coming to do my laundry for me daily LOL. Life is just life, the same as always. And yet, there is so much peace and joy. I lived for so long thinking I had to be perfect, and when I wasn't, well, LOOK OUT WORLD, because I would spiral down so fast it would scare you. I had the mentality "oh well, I've already messed up now... who cares." Those were my famous last word.... "who cares." Well, I have realized that God does. And He isn't looking for perfection. He is looking for a heart like His. On days like today, when I don't feel great, a little ill, and just want to go to bed early, satan tries to whisper "you're still the same, nothings changed." As I was getting the kids to bed, hollering because they wouldn't put their clothes away and hurry and brush their teeth the devil started on me. "Once a crazy woman, always a crazy woman" (That is how he got me in the past, made me feel crazy!) But instantly I thought of David. He made some huge mistakes, (nothing like me being ill :) ) committed adultery, and murder to cover it up, yet the Lord said that "He was a man after my Own heart." You see, God doesn't love us any less in our weakest moments. I'm pretty sure it is quite the opposite.

I have this picture in my head of one of my children trying so hard to please me, and to do what is right, but they come up short, and they are broken hearted. In that moment, as a mom, my heart is breaking as well. Pride swells up inside my heart as I think "wow, that is my baby!" I believe God is the same way. He is love. When we are unlovable, He continues to love. He is strength. When we are weak, and fail, He is strength. He is joy. When we are hurt, or feeling down. He is joy.

So I am learning that it isn't as important WHAT I am doing, but the heart behind it. He see's my heart and He isn't looking for perfection. That is freedom right there. Knowing that there is grace and mercy when we fail Him.

Acts 13:22

²² And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’

Sum..Sum...Summer time!

{Just a disclaimer- I love pulling out older pics of the kids!}

It's that time of the year again. The kids will be getting out of school the end of this week. We are busy with end of the year parties, celebrations and all sorts of fun activities.

This will actually be my very first summer to work. :( Boo Hoo for me! I have been so blessed to have been able to stay at home with my kids for 10 years. It's not as hard during the school year because I am only at work while they are in school, but the summer time is hard! I want to be taking them to the pool, the park and anywhere else fun....not to mention, sleeping late with them!! ;) With that said, I am very blessed that I only work until 1 everyday, so we still have plenty of time to do things together. I gotta say, I feel kinda spoiled ;) Thank you God for a hard working husband and plenty of time to spend with our children!!

Isaiah 58:11-12

¹¹ The LORD will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
¹² Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.

Surrender

This morning, before church, as I was praying I kept hearing these words... surrender... surrender. All through church this morning God just kept that in my spirit. Then during the alter call our musicians sang these lyrics:

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you

And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

The Lord quietly spoke to my heart and asked... "will you surrender it all? Will you surrender

YOUR dream?" I was kinda taken back by that question, because I have surrendered, or so I

thought. I realized in that moment that I have surrendered parts of myself to God, but not my

dreams. What if God's will for my life doesn't match up to my dreams? What if He is asking

me to have less and give more? What if He is asking me to forsake all the plans that I have made

for myself? It is easy to follow God when you think that His will means all of your dreams will

come true? But what if His will is more for you that that? Will you surrender having what you

(think) you've always wanted? A resounding YES echos in my heart!! Absolutely. I will surrender

my everything to Him. I will give Him my heart, my dreams and all of my rights. Lord, I humbly

surrender myself to You, my dreams included. My life is Yours, have Your will!!

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps

Mistakes!

Sometimes I look back over my life and get so down over the mistakes I have made. Some have been little and not very life changing. While others have been HUGE and have greatly changed my life, and others. It's sad when months/years down the road you look back and have that "ah ha" moment. I'm realizing everyday that the mistakes I made, and blamed on others, were all my fault. Yes, in the end God has worked them out for my good, but not until I had to walk thru many dark days. I can't help but think back to the lyrics "I won't deny the worse you can say about me. But I'm not defined by the mistakes I have made because God says of me, I am not who I was, I'm being remade." Thank God that He remakes us. That we may screw our lives up horribly, YET, it's not too much for Him. Mistakes help us be better. They teach us to depend on God, and not ourselves. I'm so grateful for His Redeeming love. That has swept over my life and made "all things new."

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.