It's not always someone else's fault.

In a message tonight preached by Dusty Hammock titled "Private Pain," He said "It's not always someone esle's fault," and boy, that hit a nerve with me.

Just the title hit a nerve, actually. He couldn't have preached anything more timely.

I am at the end of walking out some very private pain. A very long lasting pain that I have been praying for restoration, that seemingly was no where to be found. I have never known pain like it. And most wouldn't have known I was even in pain, hince, private pain. So, just the title resognated in my spirit.

One of the things that I have learned over the last few years of walking thru this, is that IT IS NOT ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE'S FAULT. And truth be told, this private pain that I have been in, was entirely MY fault. Yes, there were other people involved, BUT, the fault still lies in me.

In life, pain is inevitable. It's gonna happen. But sometimes.... we bring it into our life through bad choices. Sometimes bad choices take a LONG time to walk out. Sometimes, God strips you of alot of people, and things, to get you to the place that HE has for you. And, restoration almost never looks the way you envisioned.

With that said, I am greatly encouraged tonight. My heart is full of joy. I literally could blog all night, with many different titles, and still not feel like I said all I am feeling and thinking.

I am grateful to a God that doesn't give up on us. I am grateful that HE loved me enough to die for me, so that I can live. I am grateful for His mercy and grace and His healing power. And I am in awe of His power to restore. His power to restore back to Him, His power to restore marriages, His power to restore faith, His power to restore relationships.

What a Great and Mighty God we serve!

Deuteronomy 7:9

⁹ “Therefore know that the LORD your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments;

No time for regrets

Lately all I can think about is spending quality time with my kids. Despite the crazy roller coaster we have been on, I make a conscious effort to be with them. I'm realizing that life doesn't slow down for anyone or anything. After all, my oldest is now 11! That just doesn't seem right.

I am so blessed that I got to be a stay at home mom with our kids, before they got in school. I cherished those moments. There was nothing more I wanted to do with my life, than to stay at home with my kids. Just the thought of leaving them nearly sent me into a panic attack. Oh, it was rough. Some days (weeks) are just a blur to me. Having 3 in 4.5 years can be challenging. But I have to say, I have so many wonderful memories of being with my kids. And I am so grateful for those years.

Now that they are in school and I am working we don't have all day together :( It is easy to just pick them up from school and be busy with homework, dinner, baths and bed without REALLY being together. My prayer is that God helps me to enjoy the little things with them. To notice them and to be here for them. To stop what I am doing and talk, listen and play with them. Before I know it they will be grown and gone.

Then:

Now:

I know that You are for me.

The simple words to a song just got me.

I haven't blogged in quite awhile. There has been so much going on, and to be honest my mind and heart has been all over the place lately, If I had tried blogging it would have been so confusing, to everyone, but me. I hadn't planned on blogging this morning but I was just cleaning and listening to my music on shuffle when God just used a song to speak to my heart.

The words:

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

I'm reminded that God is FOR me.

No matter what we go thru in life or where we find ourselves, He is FOR us. So many times we listen to the whispers that He doesn't care, that He isn't with us. What a lie. God created us. He is for us.

Could you image NOT being for your child. The child you created? Could you imagine turning your head in their time of hurt and pain. What about in their time of confusion and loneliness? Could you just walk away from them. Or are you standing there, arms opened wide, waiting on them to fall into your arms?

I believe God is standing there waiting, waiting for us to trust Him. Waiting for us to quit trying in our own strength and give into His love and protection. Just as sometimes as parents we don't swoop in and change the things our kids are walking thru, we are their to love and comfort them...as they go thru them. There are some things in life we just must simply walk thru.

Trust God today that He is for you.

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.