Time flies!

This picture brings back such sweet memories! It makes me smile, and tear up. Oh, how it seems like yesterday that my kids were this age. It definately makes you stop and think about life, and how you spend your time. I haven't always been the best steward of my time. I like to sleep. Ok, that is an understatement. I LOVE to sleep. There is nothing better than a nice cold, dark room with warm covers and a feather pillow. I have heard it a million times "you're gonna sleep your life away, you don't want to do that do you?" Well, actually, I might! :) I seriously could go to sleep at 7 every night and sleep until at least 9 in the morning. Well, that probably isn't going to win me "mom of the year!" No, but seriously, I have been thinking a lot about my time, and how I spend it. Right now, my ministry is my family. So I am to minister to their needs, be it, physical, emotion, spiritually and mentally. The most important thing I can do with my time right now, other than spending it with God, is to spend it with my family. After all, one day they will be "grown and gone." (Well, hopefully not my husband LOL.... oh just joking!) What a sad day that will be. Then it will be on to the next phase of my life. But for now, my time is spent pretty much like this: cleaning up spills, breaking up fights, making up beds, cuddling on the couch watching tv, sweeping up spilled cereal, breaking up fights ;), reading devotions, sharing secrets, breaking up fights... you get the point. ;) This doesn't last forever....sad to say! So, with that said, I am doing what I can to make the best of my time. It's part of the order that God is bringing into our family!! God, help me to make the best use of my time. Knowing that our time on earth is so short, and that we are not promised tomorrow. Help me treasure my family and enjoy everyday with them.

Ecclesiastes 1:5

⁵ The sun rises, the sun sets,

and then it hurries back to where it rises again.

Broken

Today has been a great day. I have been a little overwhelmed lately with house work so I took this opportunity to catch up. Tim is gone to his Dad's in AR and I sent the kids outside to play. I had several uninterrupted hours to clean. I plugged my iphone into the dock and turned on Pandora to Praise and Worship. And the cleaning began! I enjoyed some time to just be with God. As I was cleaning something began stirring in me. God was showing me my brokenness. The reason for my sometimes ill, impatient, discontent self! "But God" I replied! This is one time in my life I don't feel broken. There have been moments in my life that I KNEW I was broken. Completely. But now isn't one of them. Yet, God continued. He was showing me that we all are broken. We all have something in us that makes us feel as though we aren't complete. Something hovering over us, leaving us needing something. Someone. It's actually not a bad thing. Because we recognize our need for God. I've matured alot over the last few years.... but can I tell you.... I NEED GOD!

I, actually, was grateful for God speaking that to me today. Sometimes I just feel like something is missing. We have all done it. Thinking that new car or house would somehow make us happy. And when it doesn't, well then, a vacation will make us happy. Oh, that didn't work either, well, lets have another baby. Surely I am not the only one who has done this. I've learned the hard way that noTHING will make me happy, better yet, noONE other than God can either. He alone completes me. He alone gives me my joy. Sure I have joy in my husband and kids. Yet, they do not and were not created to satisfy me. Only He can do that!

So when I start feeling an ache in my heart, it's probably because I need to stop and spend some time with God. As a matter of fact, I shouldn't wait to have an ache. In this busy thing called life, help me not to neglect the ONE Who gave me life.

Isaiah 26:3

³ You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.

God's timing.

God's timing is not always an easy thing to understand. I don't

really always understand His timing and His plans. All day today

I have been anxious about upcoming events. Buying our first home.

We have found one that we love. It is everything that we prayed for.

Actually, when we began the search for a new home we automatically

began looking in the $200-$250 range. Over the last few weeks

God really began dealing with me about surrendering my dream,

and trusting Him. So with that, He led me to an awesome deal. It is

here in the same town, so the kids wouldn't have to change schools,

it is 5 bedrooms.... which means room for 3 kids their own room

and 2 share. (Which Allie has already proclaimed "this is mine and

my little sister's room" which I think is adorable, especially since

we have not even officially begun the adoption process.) It is on a

dead end street, so the kids can ride their bikes and be safe, it is

actually the last house on the dead end!! It has a GREAT back yard,

full of plenty of room to play and woods for the kids to do their "exploring." The best part? This house

would cut our house payment in HALF!!! How awesome is God, if you just surrender and trust Him. That would leave

plenty of room to save for the adoption and buy some MUCH needed furniture!! :)

Then the timing issue begins! We love this house, and really want it. But we are not quite ready to make an

offer. We are still waiting on our mortgage approval, which should happen this month! AND, we are not wanting

to leave our landlords until they are prepared. With that, I pray that if this is God's will then the timing will

all work out. That when we are ready, the house will still be available. And, when that time comes, our

landlord will have another renter and things will work out!! So help me believe for God's timing to be perfect, for

all involved!

A good example of timing that the Lord showed me was this. We just recently decided to hold our son,

Nathan, back into Kindergarten. It was a very hard decision, but definitely the best for him. He has

struggled all year long, is immature and very little, he just isn't ready for first grade. Now, as his parents

we need to do what is best for him, not what is least painful. If we allowed him to go on to first grade

when he wasn't ready then that would make things worse for him. As his parents, we have to do the hard things.

Same thing with God, He understands our hurts, and anxiety about waiting. And I am positive that He

feels what we feel (just like Tim and I do Nathan!) but ultimately His goal is to do His will in our life,

which is the best thing for us!

This is a great time to allow our trust and faith in Him to grow!!

Psalm 37:7

⁷ Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.

Listening to God.

First of all I am disobeying my husband and posting 2 blogs in one day. He actually told me that I should only blog every other day. Well, that is silly I tell you. What if I have more than one thing to share, or like tonight, what if after I blog, I feel the need to share something else? So, I am sorry hun, but I must break your silly rule.

For those of you that know me you will understand this a little more, but others may not. You see, for years, yep, years, I just lived....blah. Nothing special. I basically just tried to survive. After my dad died I suffered from depression, and it just seemed to get worse. I never seemed to be happy. No matter what, I wasn't happy. Oh, I loved the Lord, yet, something was missing. In the last 2 years God has radically changed my life. Day by day, step by step He has brought me to true freedom. I am no longer the depressed, sleep- all-day, never gonna be happy girl. I can honestly say that I have never been happier. Nothing physically has changed, other than Tim and I putting God's principals into action in our life to bring order. For instance, we haven't won the lottery, there hasn't been a giant salary increase and no one is coming to do my laundry for me daily LOL. Life is just life, the same as always. And yet, there is so much peace and joy. I lived for so long thinking I had to be perfect, and when I wasn't, well, LOOK OUT WORLD, because I would spiral down so fast it would scare you. I had the mentality "oh well, I've already messed up now... who cares." Those were my famous last word.... "who cares." Well, I have realized that God does. And He isn't looking for perfection. He is looking for a heart like His. On days like today, when I don't feel great, a little ill, and just want to go to bed early, satan tries to whisper "you're still the same, nothings changed." As I was getting the kids to bed, hollering because they wouldn't put their clothes away and hurry and brush their teeth the devil started on me. "Once a crazy woman, always a crazy woman" (That is how he got me in the past, made me feel crazy!) But instantly I thought of David. He made some huge mistakes, (nothing like me being ill :) ) committed adultery, and murder to cover it up, yet the Lord said that "He was a man after my Own heart." You see, God doesn't love us any less in our weakest moments. I'm pretty sure it is quite the opposite.

I have this picture in my head of one of my children trying so hard to please me, and to do what is right, but they come up short, and they are broken hearted. In that moment, as a mom, my heart is breaking as well. Pride swells up inside my heart as I think "wow, that is my baby!" I believe God is the same way. He is love. When we are unlovable, He continues to love. He is strength. When we are weak, and fail, He is strength. He is joy. When we are hurt, or feeling down. He is joy.

So I am learning that it isn't as important WHAT I am doing, but the heart behind it. He see's my heart and He isn't looking for perfection. That is freedom right there. Knowing that there is grace and mercy when we fail Him.

Acts 13:22

²² And when He had removed him, He raised up for them David as king, to whom also He gave testimony and said, ‘I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after My own heart, who will do all My will.’

Sum..Sum...Summer time!

{Just a disclaimer- I love pulling out older pics of the kids!}

It's that time of the year again. The kids will be getting out of school the end of this week. We are busy with end of the year parties, celebrations and all sorts of fun activities.

This will actually be my very first summer to work. :( Boo Hoo for me! I have been so blessed to have been able to stay at home with my kids for 10 years. It's not as hard during the school year because I am only at work while they are in school, but the summer time is hard! I want to be taking them to the pool, the park and anywhere else fun....not to mention, sleeping late with them!! ;) With that said, I am very blessed that I only work until 1 everyday, so we still have plenty of time to do things together. I gotta say, I feel kinda spoiled ;) Thank you God for a hard working husband and plenty of time to spend with our children!!

Isaiah 58:11-12

¹¹ The LORD will guide you continually,
And satisfy your soul in drought,
And strengthen your bones;
You shall be like a watered garden,
And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
¹² Those from among you
Shall build the old waste places;
You shall raise up the foundations of many generations;
And you shall be called the Repairer of the Breach,
The Restorer of Streets to Dwell In.

Surrender

This morning, before church, as I was praying I kept hearing these words... surrender... surrender. All through church this morning God just kept that in my spirit. Then during the alter call our musicians sang these lyrics:

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you

And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

The Lord quietly spoke to my heart and asked... "will you surrender it all? Will you surrender

YOUR dream?" I was kinda taken back by that question, because I have surrendered, or so I

thought. I realized in that moment that I have surrendered parts of myself to God, but not my

dreams. What if God's will for my life doesn't match up to my dreams? What if He is asking

me to have less and give more? What if He is asking me to forsake all the plans that I have made

for myself? It is easy to follow God when you think that His will means all of your dreams will

come true? But what if His will is more for you that that? Will you surrender having what you

(think) you've always wanted? A resounding YES echos in my heart!! Absolutely. I will surrender

my everything to Him. I will give Him my heart, my dreams and all of my rights. Lord, I humbly

surrender myself to You, my dreams included. My life is Yours, have Your will!!

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O Lord, that the way of man is not in himself, that it is not in man who walks to direct his steps

Mistakes!

Sometimes I look back over my life and get so down over the mistakes I have made. Some have been little and not very life changing. While others have been HUGE and have greatly changed my life, and others. It's sad when months/years down the road you look back and have that "ah ha" moment. I'm realizing everyday that the mistakes I made, and blamed on others, were all my fault. Yes, in the end God has worked them out for my good, but not until I had to walk thru many dark days. I can't help but think back to the lyrics "I won't deny the worse you can say about me. But I'm not defined by the mistakes I have made because God says of me, I am not who I was, I'm being remade." Thank God that He remakes us. That we may screw our lives up horribly, YET, it's not too much for Him. Mistakes help us be better. They teach us to depend on God, and not ourselves. I'm so grateful for His Redeeming love. That has swept over my life and made "all things new."

2 Corinthians 5:17

¹⁷ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

So in love with my God.

As my kids watch tv quietly in the living room, I slipped off to my room and turned on some praise music. To just sit and be with Him is refreshing. Takes me out of the "crazies" of life. Houses. Adoption research. Work. Cleaning. Life. Just sitting in His presence I am flooded with His love. To reflect back over my life. Over the last few years. How undeserving I feel. How undeserving I am. Nothing I have done has made me earn His love, His peace, His joy, His blessings. And in the same sense, nothing I have done takes those from me. The past is the past. That statement alone brings tears to my eyes. Thank God for His unending love, His grace, and the blood of Jesus that wipes away all of my sin and all of my shame. As I sit here and type all I can say is that I am so undeserving of the life I have. Nope, I am not rich. Financially. Yet, I am rich in what matters. God. Love. Family. I don't have all that my heart desires, but I do have the one TRUE desire of my heart. God. He is the Lover of my soul. Without Him I am nothing.

Psalm 70:4

⁴ Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You;
And let those who love Your salvation say continually,
“Let God be magnified!”

Dreams do come true!

Right now I just got in from running the roads. Work, then went with my real estate agent to look at 3 more houses, came home, got the kids ready, took them to eat, then to gymnastics and then to ride around and look at/for more houses. I just got home and got them in bed about 30 minutes and I am pouting. Yep, that is right. I have "officially" been looking for a house now for 3 days and haven't found the "perfect" one yet. LOL You laugh, I know, but for months I have been looking online. All of these houses I have fallen in love with online, just aren't the same when I actually go see them. One is right on a main road, which is horrible for us because my kids ride their bikes and play outside everyday. One of the houses is really nice, but it doesn't have a dining room, now, without a dining room where will my family of 5, soon to be 7, eat dinner together? It had a kitchenette that could hold a table for 4 people, what is up with that? So disappointing. :( I was just told by a good friend that "no house is perfect." Oh yeah, well, when I was looking for a job, I prayed and said "God I need a job in G'dale or F'dale, only during school hours and very flexible for school events ect." Everyone said it wasn't possible.... but the first place I applied was hiring for that... hours 7 am - 1 pm, f'dale and very flexible. Also, I have a discount! So see, God does answer our prayers, even if they seem silly to others.

That is why I named this post; Dreams do come true. Because this spring we had a HUGE dream come true, we took our kids to Disney World for a whole week! It was awesome, it was everything I had hoped it would be! We have always talked about taking the kids atleast 2-3 times while they are growing up, but it seemed impossible. After all, it is so expensive. But GOD always makes a way! After my dad died I wondered if God really did care about me, and about our lives, I knew He loved me but I just didn't understand. Since then, not that He has to but, He has proven to me over and over again that He cares about even the smallest details of my life. And if I give them to Him and trust Him, He will always work it out for my good. So, just like the job situation, and the Disney desire, I will trust Him with our Home.

Romans 8:28

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

Houses, Houses and more houses!

Well, I have officially begun the house search! I have been looking online for about a month now, but finally decided it was time to hit the streets! I viewed the first one yesterday and have a few more lined up tomorrow. I gotta say, It's kind of hard finding a house in our price range, perfect for us, also in our school zone. Especially knowing our family will be growing by 2 within the next 2 years. Also, with that, I am keeping into consideration that I may be off work for awhile, or possibly quit, so we really want to keep our payments as low as possible. It's so funny how God works things out. If we would have bought a house 5-6 months ago when we first decided to move, our interest rates would have been high, and we possibly would have bought a house too expensive to allow us to follow God in this adventure to adopt. I didn't understand at the time why God was saying "wait" but now I see more of the picture. Although, there is still a short wait, I am starting to see what is right for us and how God is leading us. It is amazing the difference a few months can make.

I'm excited about buying our first home, although, I am a little nervous. I am constantly in prayer that God choses our new home, and not us. For I know that if He choses it, then He will provide for it and it will be the perfect home for our (growing) family!! It might seem like a hard choice for me, but He has the right house lined up for us, and if we are obedient, He will lead us to it!

Exodus 23:20

²⁰ “Behold, I send an Angel before you to keep you in the way and to bring you into the place which I have prepared.

What really matters.

Lately God has really been dealing with me. Actually, it's been about a year. I used to be so worried about so many things. Trying to figure out where I fit in, do I fit in at church, or at The Foundry. Do I fit with this group of friends, or another. And don't get me started on all the stress over new "things." I was constantly getting my heart broken, because things didn't go my way. Someone didn't speak to me, or I felt left out. I know that we all want to belong, we were created that way. We all want a purpose. We all want nice things. But NONE of those things really matter. God is our everything. We are in existence because of Him, and only Him. Our spouse doesn't make us who we are, and certainly, our friends don't either. All of those things, eventually, pass away and we are left with God, our Creator, our Father. And I am pretty sure at that moment I won't care where "so-and-so" is. Now, I do my best to live for Him. Not just going to church ect. But actually LIVING for Him. And realizing what is really important in life. No friend will ever take the place of my husband. No friend will ever take the place of my children. My sole ministry is my family. I will no longer feel like I don't fit in because I don't have a "ministry" at my church. I will not neglect my 1st ministry to just build a name for myself. I'm not saying you have done this. This is all for me. Im just sharing what He has done in me. He has shown me that if I am faithful with the ministry He has given me, my family, then my ministry will be more than I could ever make it myself. Because it is my life.

Ecclesiastes 1:11

There is no remembrance of former things,

Nor will there be any remembrance of things that are to come
By those who will come after.

In love with my family!

And I sure can't wait to add 2 more stockings in my house (and on my ornament) for Christmas!

I'm getting pretty excited. Ok, that is a little understatement! I'm giddy. Joyful. Ecstatic. And, I'm in love. Not sure with who yet, but I already have a place in my heart for my children. I pray for them everyday. I pray that God will lead me to them, and FAST! :) Just kidding. The process is going to be long. Well, actually, the "pre-process" as I am calling it, the time that it is taking us to get prepared, seems to be taking to most time. BUT, It will so be worth it.

Enough of about the waiting...

I ordered me a few more Christian books on adoption and as I am reading I am saddened. It gives statistics that are heartbreaking. There are something like 147 MILLION orphans in the world today. Also, something like 48% of Christians consider adoption, while only 1% ACTUALLY do adopt. That is heart breaking. If the Christians are taking a stand for God's children, who will? Is it that we are too selfish? Too afraid that we will have to give up something? Heaven forbid that. That would just be awful. Now, I do realize that not everyone is called, or CAN adopt. BUT, I honestly believe that there are a lot more people in the world that can adopt, but aren't. I pray that as we walk through this, that it encourages others to look into it. I pray that it gives another family the courage to step out side of their comfort zone and be a forever family to a child in need. I pray that our testimony touches lives and gives God ALL the glory. After all, this isn't about us. This is all about Him!! It's His desire that we love like He loves, and that we give ourselves as He gave himself to us.

Matthew 18:5

⁵ Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.

Enjoy the ride!

My Pastor has been preaching a series called "It's Your Race." This morning he preached a message entitled "Slow and Steady." This really spoke to me. I have a very hard time just slowing down, especially when I have my heart and mind set on something. God spoke to me during the message and said "just enjoy where you are and what I am doing in you TODAY!" Pastor started talking about enjoying the ride. That is my prayer. That during this time of waiting, decisions, and changes, that I would enjoy the ride. That my heart is content and life is joyful. That I am not wishing my life away. That I am living for today. Preparing for tomorrow, but ultimately living life for today, not things to come.

Hebrews 12:1-2

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, ² fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Blessings

The first time I heard this song, tears just ran down my face. How many times had I cried and prayed for peace, for blessings, only to feel disappointed and let down, by God. I never quite understood why God allowed some things to happen, or why He didn't answer some of the most pain-filled prayers I have ever prayed. Why does He allow a loving dad to die at such a young age? Why doesn't He "fix" finances? Why are some women able to have babies while others lay in bed and cry out to God for Him to give them that desire? Why are marriages broken, family members strayed from God, and life-threatening diseases not "fixed" by God?

I know that sin is the cause of most of these, but even with that, sin is no match for God. He controls it all. He can heal, redeem, and save the world. But He showed me something through this song. Blessings come in many different ways. Sometimes going through such heartache leads us straight to Him, when nothing else would. To have nothing else to "save" us, or "fix" us, but Him. God knows, much better than us, what we need to lead us to Him, and to that life that He has called us to. I know had all of my prayers been answered I wouldn't be where I am today. I would still be living life for me, and only me. Thinking I was "called" for one thing, when in reality I would have missed the very purpose that He created me for. God designed us all to be different. Not to fit the mold of those around us, to do what everyone else is doing.... thinking it is my purpose as well. Thank you God for the blessings that disrupted my life. The blessings of unanswered prayers. Thank you God for the raindrops turned to blessings and that my healing came through tears. Thank you God for the blessings that led us to this point in our life. And thank you for the blessings that will lead our 2 children home to us!

This is my favorite part of the song:
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

How true is that?!

Psalm 139:13-14

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

I've been here before.

Waiting. Waiting. And more waiting.

I'll never forget the day I found out I was pregnant, each time. I still remember where I was and what was going on when I first found out. I was beside myself, all 3 times. The hard part was the wait. It drove me crazy. If you know me, then you know I am not the most patient person in the world. People who take to long to drive after a light turns green make me crazy. Long lines irritate me to no end. But the worse kind of waiting is when you are waiting for a special day, birthday, Christmas, anniversary. Or an event. A vacation, wedding ect. Ugh. Im getting anxious just talking about it. We surprised the kids a few months ago and took them to Disney World. Tim and I had planned it for about 5-6 months. I nearly drove myself crazy. I almost told the kids 38 times before I was supposed to.

But I have learned something. The wait is a time of maturing. It teaches patience. It teaches self-control. All are areas I need growth in! So I thank God for the wait.

Right now we are currently in the process of buying a new home. So, until that is complete, we can't start the adoption process. Ugh. Another thing to wait on... a house. :) But there is one thing I have learned, God's timing is perfect. You see, although I am ready to jump in there and bring our children home right this second, maybe "our" children aren't ready for us yet. Maybe they are not on a waiting list and if we jumped ahead of God's timing, we would miss what God has for us. Oh, we would get our end result of adoption, but it wouldn't be His perfect will. Even in the midst of my impatience, I want His will. So I have to tell myself "Calm down! His timing is perfect and He will bring it all together!"

Philippians 4:6

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Longing in my heart.

I'm so happy that God created us the way He did. When I woke up this morning I had a deep longing in my heart. Not a void, but a longing. How would life be if we lived without any longing, dreams or visions? This longing, that God is bringing life to, in me has always been there. I took a few detours in life, believed a few lies from the enemy and all of a sudden found myself with no longing. No dreams. No desires. Truthfully, the only desire I had was to sleep. And that was to hide from the pain. I pretty much believed the lie that I was a failure. Why dream for anything when, inevitably, I would fail at it. Why start something? I wouldn't complete it. Why hope? It would never come to pass. Yet, through much pain, mostly because of myself, and many heartaches I found myself longing for God. (Even though I was a christian) I was longing for healing. And wholeness in Him. He began a work in me.... that is yet to be complete. With that new creation, brought new hopes, dreams and longings. Some felt in reach, while others, like international adoption, don't even feel possible. The great news is, I don't live by feeling any more. It may seem impossible, scary and unknown. But MY God is not scared and wondering how it will all work out. He is the One who gave us these longings, not to push them aside because "someone else will do it," but to trust Him and follow Him. With each step, the longing grows! Thank you God for this longing you have given me. Teach me patience and trust with each new step!

Proverbs 13:12

¹² Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

I miss them already...

and I am not even sure who "them" is yet. We have no idea who we will be adopting, we haven't gotten that far in the process yet. But all I know is that ever since we decided in our hearts, even before we told, I have missed "them." I pray for them daily. That they have food, water and clothes. That they are protected and kept safe. As a matter of fact, on Mother's Day, all I could think about was them, and how I can't wait to have all my kids here with me on Mother's Day! What an awesome day that will be!!

I wonder what they look like. What their personality will be like. Will they be quite, like.... well, none of my other kids. Or will they fit right in with the other 3 crazy bee's?!? Will they want their daddy or will they be a momma's baby?!? I'm kinda hoping for one of each ;) In the end, whoever they are, that is referred to our family.... they were created to be our children. We will love them and cherish them! They will be one of us! No longer an orphan, no longer without the love of a mother and father. They will have brothers and sisters that love them. How exciting is that?!? I can not wait!

God, prepare our hearts for this calling you have placed on our family. Prepare our home, make it a home surrounded with love, centered around You! Go before us and direct our path.

Never forget: God's plan for us is always best—always! (Even if we ca't wrap our minds around it!)

Psalm 18:30

³⁰ God’s way is perfect.
All the Lord’s promises prove true.
He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

Where He leads, He will make a way.

I have never believed that more in my life than I do right now. I have such peace over our decision. You see, I had recently began to think that I had my life figured out. For the first time in a long time I finally felt secure. In my walk with God, in my emotions, in my marriage, and in our finances. We had worked really hard over the last few years to allow God to began to bring order into our lives. So, I had taken it upon myself to maintain this level of stability. I watched the checking/savings account like a hawk. I balanced the checkbook several times a day. Checking our credit card balances several times a day and sometimes making 4-5 payments a month, just to keep the balances low... extremely low. I had money stashed in places "just in case" and I had our life mapped out for the next few years! First, buy our first home. Which, I am very excited about. Next take a cruise with my husband for our 12 year anniversary. Next, well, another trip to Disney for the kids, next, a family beach trip, then it would be time for that new jeep that I have been wanting for years.... and so the plans go on and on and on. And so, in the midst of making the first step happen, God spoke... "now is the time." What? NO WAY! After all, we deserve all of this, we have worked hard. But He gently said "Now is the time to pursue this call over your life." Again, a resounding... BUT GOD?!?! Can I atleast put it on the list and get to it eventually?!?! NOPE!

So, while we are still working on #1, our #2 is now to bring our kids home! From wherever it is that they are. None of that is certain yet. All I know is that through us, NONE of this is possible. We are completely relying on God to make a way where He leads us!

It amazes my how God knows right what we need at the right time. God just shook me up and is asking me to trust Him. So, whatever the cost, even all of my life plans, if that is what He is asking for, then they are His. After all, He holds my life in His hands, so what better life than that! I may never get that jeep I want, but suddenly that doesn't matter at all to me.

Psalm 73:24
You guide me with your counsel,leading me to a glorious destiny

It is official...

we have accepted the call to go from a family of 5 to a family of 7! Yep, you read that right, and yes, we probably are "crazy." :) I have learned that the desires and dreams that God gives us, are not always easily understood. Sometimes they don't make sense to us. And sometimes they seem scary. With that said, I am not scared. I'm actually very much elated and over-joyed! Let me go back a little....

Tim and I have always felt "the calling" to adopt. But hey, with 3 kids of our own in 4.5 years and alot of financial struggles we have always pushed that to the back of our mind. A few times over the years we would revisit it, discuss it and then eventually move on, yet again. We looked into foster care and adopting here in the states but for some reason it never "felt" right. Now, if there is one thing I have learned over the years is that you can not go by feelings, yet, we didn't think that was our calling. But THEN... one night in my crazy search on line, I came across a place I had never heard of, Uganda Africa. I watched a video on Youtube about it. I instantly began to cry. And from then on it was all I could think about. So much so that after about 2 weeks I created this blog so I could vent a little. I didn't want to go around announcing that we were going to adopt 2 kids from Uganda. After all, what if we changed my mind? I didn't even know the cost, money wise plus what it would cost my family, as a whole. So I prayed about it. And prayed about it. I stayed up late reading other blogs about international adoption. I felt crazy. We can't be doing this. We already have 3 kids. Half the time those 3 are enough to drive me pure nuts! God said, have faith. Or better yet, we don't have the money for that. We just now have a good record or saving. Yet again, God said have faith. So I laid in bed that night and prayed, "God, I feel crazy. This can't be You. I need to know this is from You, or take this away from me. We can't possibly do this. And if it is you, I need to KNOW it's you." Eventually I drifted off to sleep. Got up and went to work. I was unloading a truck with the truck driver when my phone rang on my desk, I excused myself and ran to get it. It was Allie calling to ask me something before getting on the bus. When I went back on the trailer to finish unloading I apologized to the driver and told him it was my kids. To which he replied, "It's alight, I have kids, as a matter of fact....WE ADOPTED HER." NOW, that might not mean much to you, but I work with truck drivers everyday. And they talk about alot of things, but never has one, in the 2 years I have been there, mentioned adoption to me. Then he goes on to say "my wife works at an orphanage!" And, that is when I began to cry. LOL

And since then, there have been several more confirmations! So, we have accepted the calling and we are taking the leap of faith. After all, this life isn't about us. I want to be and do ALL that God created me to do and be. Easy or hard I accept the call. So here we start on this journey! God, help us LOVE REAL BIG!

1 Corinthians 13:13
And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

There is more to life...

than just what meets our eyes. Just because we don't see the destruction or hurt around us does't mean that it doesn't exist. Just because we can't see air, doesn't mean that we are not breathing it. Suddenly I have been awakened to the sad truth there there are many hurting and hopeless people/children all over the world. Children that go to bed hungry, every night. Children that are orphans. Sleeping on dirty floors and drinking dirty water. What happened to me that I got so wrapped up in myself to not care about the needs of others. Working and sacrificing to "do" and "have." Complete selfishness. Trying to build the "American Dream" within my family, myself. With my perfect husband, perfect 3 kids, nice home and nice cars to drive. What? Going to church isn't enough? Paying tithe isn't enough? Not for me! I can't sleep knowing that we (my husband and I) are wearing ourselves out to take our kids on that next vacation, to buy that nice furniture that I've been dying for, all the while millions.... yes... MILLIONS of kids have NOTHING! My life has ben changed. Forever. I may not can help millions, but I can help some. I will answer the call to die to my self so God can give thru me. Because you see, anything I have to give, is because of God.

James 1:27

Religion and God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

So much love!

It's not that I think we are the greatest family alive, or that we are deserving. All I know is that we have so much love to give. I LOVE having all the kids piled on the couch watching a movie, wrestling in the yard in the leaves, and laying in bed on a saturday morning giggling and tickling one another. I love dinner time at the table. I love hearing them laugh and talk and make jokes. I love playing tag in the house with them, and that one time, wait it was twice, that we had an all out flour war in the house! THEY loved that! What, oh what shall I do with all of this love? It hurts my heart to think that there are kids that don't get these opportunities. They don't have the love and family. It's not fair. And the big question? What am I going to do about it? Will I sit by and twiddle my thumbs, enjoying my nice family and all the blessings God has given me. Or will I, in return, give what I have to give, to those who need it! God help me to be a better steward. With not just the finances you have given me, but also with the love, and family you have blessed me with. Help me joyfully share my love and family! I trust You!!

Psalm 72:12-114

¹² For He will deliver the needy when he cries,
The poor also, and him who has no helper.
¹³ He will spare the poor and needy,
And will save the souls of the needy.
¹⁴ He will redeem their life from oppression and violence;
And precious shall be their blood in His sight.

It's all I think about!

For the past few days, it's all I can think about! I research it online, google it, face book it, yahoo it. If you MIGHT have info, on this thing that has consumed me, then I will ask you about it! It's not public yet, so, I will not be mentioning the "thing" that God has so heavily laid on my heart. All I can say is that I am fired up about it. To say the least! I'm not scared, just anxious. In constant prayer over it and prayer for direction...and guidance. Lord knows we need it. My husband has not been much help in this process, as of yet. He is currently swamped at work for the big Hearts of Hope event.. So, I can't wait to share with him all I have learned and hear what he has to say about this. If he says "it doesn't matter to me, it's up to you" I may slap him! ;) I kinda want to rally the kids and start a chant...... "Let's get a little bit rowdy

R O W D Y!" So, from this point on, atleast for a few more week, I will try to contain myself and pray. Pray. Pray!! God will lead us!

Isaiah 6:8

⁸ Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“ Whom shall I send,
And who will go for Us?”

Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

Let the fun begin!!!

We are The Busbee's!

Tim, Rachel, Jade, Allie and Nathan! As a family we are praying for God's will and desire for us, as a family! We believe God has great things in store for us and this marks the start of our adventure....into His call for our life.

I'm not even sure how to describe the feeling, or call that I feel God has placed on our family. I feel so undeserving, a little nervous of the

"un known" but grateful to the Voice that I hear calling us into something new!

I can't wait to see what God has in store for us!

Isaiah 58:11-12

¹¹ The Lord will guide you continually,
giving you water when you are dry
and restoring your strength.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like an ever-flowing spring.
¹² Some of you will rebuild the deserted ruins of your cities.
Then you will be known as a rebuilder of walls
and a restorer of homes.